I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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