i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
