we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
