its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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