oh god the rape fog is back!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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