he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
