I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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