just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize