I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
