can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There's always time for handjobs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
