If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize