Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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