well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
These tits shall not be calmed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
