I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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