youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
