Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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