Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
