she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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