You're my little dorito
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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