Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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