somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
