i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
how drunk are you?
Several
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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