Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
