when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
