wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
