dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
