Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
