dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize