How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
