yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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