there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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