God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
