Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
