remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
