my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
