I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Randomize
