Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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