I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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