I like to think it a success when the cops are called
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
