real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
