They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
