According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
