i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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