life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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