I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
