Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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