You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
