I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
