its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
