Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
