you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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