Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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