Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
