it's like iHOP with fire
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
