I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
