I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
