Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
