I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
