I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
