Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
