Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need moral support for this bender
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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