You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
