if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
