You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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