if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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