I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
