Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
