Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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