yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
