Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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